Illustration by Claire Robertson

My Name is Oskar Tex Hosken and I'm four years old. Daddy built my website for me and Mummy helps me write my journal. I have a little sister, Jasmine, who also has a website.

Read my guestbook

oskar at neuronwave dot com

Wednesday, April 30, 2003
I've been told I shouldn't have written that last bit about looking at Harry's penis because I have a bigger audience now. AND I was even questioned as to whether it really happened. Yes I really pulled up his top because I'm fascinated by penises at the moment. Especially Harry's because it's long. I've written this journal as an accurate reflection on my life and I haven't made things up - and at the moment I like to look at penises. Particularly my own. So I'm going to write about it. So there. Send me an email if you don't like it.

Sigh. Things are different. I don't seem to be allowed to do anything I want anymore. I'd be happy if I could watch Ernie and Bert or Jemima or Goldfinger whenever I want, but I'm not allowed during the day anymore. And I'm not allowed special treats from the kitchen cupboard all the time either. I think the house is too small because I can't get away from the rest of the family to do my thing. Like flick the lights on and off about 15 times or slam the doors. I always get caught and that's no fun. Well actually I do want the attention, but I don't want to be sent to time-out. I spent about 10 minutes crying in my room this morning after being sent there for flicking the lights too many times. I really can't see what the problem is with the lights. All it does is annoy M & D...hee hee hee.

Mum and Jasmine and I went to Harry's house yesterday. I haven't been there for ages and had been asking Mum to go for weeks. Harry and I go berserk together and have lots of fun. The best fun was when we jumped up and down in a bathtub that was outside. We both yelled at the top of our voices and stomped and jumped a lot. Then Cindie and Mum wandered over and discovered what Harry and I already knew. That there was muddy water in the bottom of the bath. Harry, as usual, didn't have any long pants on, but I had my expensive shoes and long trousers on, and they got completely splattered with mud. Not that I cared; I got to run around without any pants on at all after that. Much more fun. Harry was wearing underpants but he took those off, so I lifted his top up to see if his penis was still as long as it was last time I looked. Yep, it was.

Sunday, April 27, 2003
Well, Jasmine woke me up this morning, so why couldn't I wake her up? I only wanted to pat her and swing the hammock in circles. But I got unceremoniously yanked out of the room by a very cranky Mum. Jazzie got to sleep in until 9.30am after she woke me at 6am - not fair.

Then I got sent to time-out for throwing a cushion onto Mum's cup of tea and sending tea splattering all over the carpet and the couch. Then she yelled at me again for kicking her while I was on the change table. And she threatened to send me to time-out again after I hit her. So it hasn't been the best morning.

I did get to help bathe Jasmine though. I swooshed the water around and pointed to her and said, "girl bits."

I was so happy to go back to my cot this morning. Mummy asked which dummy I wanted and I said, "green one,...both!" then I snuggled up under the covers and said, "make it dark" and she left me to it. Peace at last.

Friday, April 25, 2003
I got to watch the Roulettes doing barrel rolls over the MCG today for the ANZAC Day footy match. M & D and I stood on the balcony and watched them going up and down and around - it was very cool. And Collingwood LOST. Serves them right for not playing Rupe.

I got sprung by Michelle at playgroup yesterday. I was chucking a wobbly because Mummy wouldn't let me have a choccie biccie. Mummy dumped me on the floor and walked off, so I mustered up my best, droning sook and put on a really wounded face. I staggered around the room moaning about how mean Mum was. I wanted to know who was watching me but when I had a look I forgot to keep up the sooking and Michelle was standing there grinning at me. Damn! I ran outside to find something really important that urgently needed my attention.

Some choice phrases:

On going shopping to the supermarket: "go the button...doors open"
On being made to stay up later than I want for my morning nap: "Okkar back to bed, oh....Okkar BACK TO BED!!"

Thursday, April 24, 2003
Yay! I've finally got Mummy to come to the park with me again. We've had a couple of really nice plays over the last few days - I've missed being able to romp with her. This morning we went to the train park (Boroondara Park) and ran all over the place. I led her through the tunnel and into the cubby house and up and down a really steep hill. We laughed a lot. She even picked me up a couple of times. We also got to see an ambulance zoom down the road. I called out, "amunence, amalence, ambulence", I think I got it right eventually.

A nurse came to visit Mummy and Jasmine a couple of days ago. I was eating lunch when she came in, and after listening to her talking to M & J, decided I wanted her attention too. I called out, "lady, lady, lady, lady....." until she turned around and smiled at me. Then I said, "No, B Bond, a die!" [No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die! From Goldfinger] She had no idea what I'd said, but Mummy and Daddy rolled around laughing. I can say lots of lines from Goldfinger, but that's my favourite. I make a sound like Oddjob's hat flying through the air, "ssseeeeeoooo", and talk about when the "tyres rip on ladies car". I like to do the Oddjob walk and even had Nan and Grandad doing it yesterday.

Nan and Grandad picked me up early yesterday morning and took me to Tony and Sammy's for a haircut. Both Grandad and I had our hair cut - I had Sammy this time and have to say he did a pretty good job.

I like having Jasmine around. Each morning when I wake I sit up in bed and say, "Jasmine?" and want to go and look at her. She's usually still asleep when I get up and I often find her in Mummy's bed. If Mummy's in there too I clamber over the top of her and stroke Jasmine's face. Then I say, "big hug" and give her a hug. She sure sleeps a lot.

Saturday, April 19, 2003
I forgot to say that Jasmine has her own website too. It's:

Friday, April 18, 2003
I was trying to be very crafty yesterday. Daddy was in the shower and Mummy was in the laundry, so I sensed an opportunity. The house is full of chocolate at the moment because Daddy promised to buy Mummy Jasmine's body weight in Haigh's. Which he did; 3 1/2 kilos worth. They have most of it in a bag on the kitchen bench, but there are two giant chocolate fish and a frog on the kitchen bar. Since they were both otherwise engaged I took my stool to the bench, quietly picked up the frog and delicately tried to open it. That's where I was, trying to be quiet about opening the foil, when Mummy stuck her head around the corner. I got such a shock; I made a big "O" with my mouth and jumped, before we both laughed. Then she took it away and I threw a wobbly. A reward for my craftiness would have been appropriate I think.

I'm doing my best to get used to having Jasmine around. I don't mind her really, but what I don't understand is why Mummy still won't pick me up or let me jump on her on the couch, when she doesn't have the big belly anymore. I got angry with her a couple of days ago and hit her so hard while she was drinking a glass of water that water went everywhere, and I got sent to time-out. Then I accidentally kicked her while she was cuddling Jasmine and I nearly got sent to time-out again. I was really happy last night when Granny popped by and straight-away I said; "Goey's house, Goey's house" and nodded vigorously. Everyone was happy with the suggestion so I was able to have a night away from home, which was really nice.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Mummy and Jasmine came home today. I was very pleased to see Mummy and did a bit of a happy dance for her before going on with my play. Granny was playing with me and we built a cubby house and I was having such a good time I wasn't going to stop. I had been so hyper that I then suddenly conked and had to go to bed. Since waking up from a really long sleep I've been playing with my new bridge and tunnel for my Thomas train set, and keeping an eye on Jasmine. I looked at her in her hammock and said, "hello baby", and then spun the hammock in circles. Then I got her teddy, Bonkers, for her and stuck him in with her.

Daddy just opened a bottle of wine so I ran over saying, "Okkar wine, Okkar little glass...." and he poured me some in my own cup. Mummy nearly had a fit because it turned out to be about four mouthfuls worth. I didn't complain. I said, "cheers!" and drank it all.

Monday, April 14, 2003
There really WAS a baby in there! Daddy took me to visit my new baby sister, Jasmine, on saturday afternoon. He said: "Do you want to give your baby sister a kiss?" and I said "No". I had a quick look at her lying on the bed and didn't know what to think. I then decided to leave. Daddy stopped me going through the front door so I explored the room, looked in the bathroom, ate some muffin and tried to leave again. Daddy pointed out a present Jasmine had got me, a lovely red fire engine. That kept me interested for about 2 minutes then I tried to leave again. I wouldn't give Jasmine a kiss goodbye but I did give Mummy one. Mummy looked just a bit sad when I was leaving.

Thursday, April 10, 2003
It's been about a month so I guess it was time. Yesterday was escaping poo day. I'm sure it wouldn't get so spread around if M & D got me out of bed sooner. This time Bobo escaped a smearing which was good. But it still got on to my sheets, pillow, lambskin and both of my blankets. Not to mention my pyjamas and up my back. At least it's a kickstart to the morning. Daddy peeled my clothes off and took me into the shower, while Mummy donned the gloves and disappeared into the laundry for ages.

Amazingly my lambskin was dry by mid-morning, just in time for me to go to Bethany's house for a play date. M & D went out to lunch for Restaurant Week so I stayed with Bethany and Michelle. I was pretty tired by then though and only got a short bit of play in before I fell asleep in the portacot. I slept for 2 1/4 hours. Soon after I woke M & D arrived to pick me up, so it was all a bit of an anticlimax. Although Michelle did make me a toasted cheese and pineapple sandwich for lunch, which was definitely worth going over for.

On the way home in the car, another car zipped in front of us so I yelled out, "dick'ead!" Mummy was very proud of me and said I'm very much her son.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003
I am discovering many uses for my stool. At first I just sat on it at my blue table. Then I realised that I can pick it up and move it to where I need some height, and then stand on it. Say, over to the sofa table to help myself to the videos and DVDs. But the best trick is to take the stool to the pantry where I'm able to reach the shelf with all the goodies on it. But I did make the mistake of getting sprung doing that, so I'll try it again when M & D are out of the room.

I have a new game where I grab two cotton buds from the bathroom cupboard, stick one in each ear and run up and down the hall. When one falls out I stop, put it back and start running again. While I'm running I yell out, "eeeeeeeeee". I don't know why, but it's good fun.

Sunday, April 06, 2003
A man came to fix our washing machine last week and again a few days ago. I was very interested in watching him work. And in his toolbox. He had heaps of different sized screwdrivers and even a battery powered one that he let me play with. I made off with a neat little screwdriver and tried to undo the screws on the trolley, but Mummy made me give it back, which was a shame. Turned out that the problem was caused by my posting a couple of coins in between the barrel and the seal. The man found one nestled snuggly in the hose and the other under the barrel. Oops. It seemed like a good experiment at the time.

Mummy is teaching me appropriate things to say to other drivers when we're in the car. I learnt, "come on" and "go" a while ago, but a few days ago we added in "dickhead". So today I told Daddy what I'd learnt. I said, "come on go, dick'ead" and he laughed.

It's been a struggle to get M and D out of bed in the mornings lately. I have to yell and yell and eventually one or the other lets me out but then goes back to bed. Yesterday Mummy said that she'd get up if I gave her a cuddle, so I climbed up and cuddled her for about 3 seconds, then pulled the covers back and made her get up. This morning I yelled, "Mummy get up, Daddy get up, Mummy open eyes....Mummy cuddle?" and I started pulling back the covers. Mummy wasn't impressed and told me to go and get Daddy up so I ran to his side and pulled his covers back. Thankfully they both got up and made me some breakfast.

Yesterday I met a very cute baby named Amelia. She lives in a great house with lots of rooms and halls to run along, and a big back yard. I thoroughly explored both the house and yard. I wanted Amelia to come running the halls with me but for some reason she preferred to sit on her mummy's knee and stare at me. Maybe she was captivated by my good looks and charm. Oops, now I'm sounding like my Daddy...hee hee.

Friday, April 04, 2003
A recent conversation:

Daddy: "Do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?"
Me: "No"
Daddy: "Oskar, it's too late!"
Me: "Noooooo!"

Tuesday, April 01, 2003
I gashed my chin open yesterday. I caught my chin on the corner of my bed as I rolled off it and fell on the floor. The skin split open and blood dripped everywhere. I mean, it actually dripped off my skin. I was really very scared and I cried. Once I'd settled down, it turned out that the cut wasn't as big as I first thought. But it did bleed a lot. I left blood dotted about Mummy's and Daddy's shoulders. But it must have been reasonably bad because M & D let me have a bowl of ice cream. Granny was over when it happened and she took me out to get some special cream to put on my cut. We dropped in to Dodo's work while we were out which was good fun. So today you can hardly see the cut at all. I was hoping for a big scar and bruise to show off to Bethany. It must have been the special cream Granny got for me.

I woke up early this morning. I knew it was a little bit early, but I didn't think it warranted being left in bed for a whole hour before being allowed out. I occupied myself by singing the Alphabet song and Goldfinger, and by banging my legs on the gate of the cot. I called out to M & D: "Mummy, Mummy!! Daddy, Daddy, Daddeeeeee!!! Open door please...." and "Okkar climb out of cot?" but I didn't. At least the wait was worth it because Daddy made pancakes for brekkie. Yummy!

Daddy came swimming with me yesterday instead of Mummy. We had the best fun; it was so much better than it has been with Mummy lately. At the start of each lesson we sing a song that goes: "I wonder what your name is, I wonder if you know. My name is.........," and each child is meant to answer. We rarely do though, usually our parents answer for us, but this time I said very quietly, "......Okkar." That was a first and I was very proud of myself. Daddy tossed me really high in the air and I even let him dunk me under the water lots of times. When we played, 'What's the time Mr. Wolf', I got to be the wolf and I yelled out, "3 O'Clock! I've been practicing that. We laughed a lot - it was a great session.

I'm really enjoying my Tuesday and Thursday morning routines. Mummy and I go to the gym by 8.45 and I play in the creche while Mummy joins the other ladies exercising. I say, "Okkar go to ladies gym, watch ladies exercising,.....ladies jump on roof." When we leave I like to stand and look at the ladies and I stare in the window at the ladies jumping about in the room. I can hear them down in the carpark. They must be really stomping. Then we go to get the mail and some bread from the bakery. I say, "Okkar scone?" and when we go in the shop, I check that the scones are there and say, "scone please lady" and the ladies always put one in a bag and hand it to me. I then sit on the bench, take it out of the bag and start eating. Back in the car, I manage to get about a third of the way through the scone before I suddenly get tired and fall asleep. That happens in the space of about 5 minutes. Then I wake up in my cot, so it's a very nice morning.

Daddy and I have been playing a game where we do Oddjob's walk. We stomp along the hallway with our arms held out a little bit. Daddy asks: "What does Oddjob say?" and I reply, "Uh uh!" That's when he's on the golf course and points to the golf ball. I know the movie Goldfinger really well now. I especially like the opening credits and the song. I try to put on the same voice when I sing Goldfinger. I know the opening few lines and can sing them all by myself. If M & D would just let me watch the movie as often as I ask then I'd learn the whole song in no time I'm sure.


Taking in the view with Dad at Sandringham beach

A sort of preview birthday cake...(I turn 5 tomorrow!!!)

We're Dixie and Pumpy

Looooove the Kew Traffic School

We got you, Uncle Ad, now give up!

Are we too cool, or what?!

Watching the ducks on a breezy day...but nothing stops me from wearing my muscle shirt.

I'm not dizzy, no, no...

Whoaah!! Grampa made this for me!

Night-night, Mummy!

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